My Relationship with Katie Anderson
My relationship with my ex-girlfriend Katie had its bad and good experiences in equal measure. Although I may be compelled to think that my alleged misdemeanor and insufficient communication were the main contributors to the failure of our relationship, the fact that she ended it abruptly gives me second thoughts. What I do understand is that the small misdeeds and suspicions were the major reasons of quarrels in our relationship. Herein, I will attempt to explain the nature of our relationship at the interpersonal level for the realization of the misdeeds that led to the end of our three-year intimate relationship.
Katie was the girl I thought I would marry. I met her at the symposium on energy, where we discussed our ideas about the revolution in the energy sector that were yet to be implemented. Our views on some things and common interests and the fact that we had to share them frequently made us become fond of each other. Just like anybody who has ever been in love, you find yourself in a relationship before you can blink. The relationship was a little straightforward when we were still in campus. We used to have lunch together, visit theme events and share personal experiences. These personal experiences included discussing sensitive issues about our desires, explaining why we loved each other and what made us happy in our families. I remember talking about how her father used to be abusive, especially after his long Fridays of alcohol binge. This was the period of interpersonal concept of self-disclosure and effective communication (Chambers, 2001).
Our relationship chasm began to grow when I became employed in Alaska. This meant that I had to spend long periods of time in that place. I remember waking to missed calls and voicemail messages from Katie, which I ostly did not reply promptly. Our phone chats became shorter and sporadic and were often punctuated with long minutes of awkward silence. Looking back at those times, I can now see that indeed the strength of any relationship, including business relationships, is strongly influenced by supportive behavior (Chambers, 2001). Since she often misinterpreted my silence as an intention to end the relationship with her or my alleged secret of courting another girl, I felt that our emotional connection weakened each time we held a conversation. During my vacations, the time we used to spend together became shorter and shorter until she told me that she could no longer handle such a situation.
Therefore, one can clearly understand from the foregoing description that social exchange and its theories of communication have a profound bearing in the direction of a relationship (Chambers, 2001). Expressing appreciation and endorsement to your partner facilitates the relationship and makes people value each other. Katie realized that my inability to communicate with her over the phone like we used to did not meet her needs. She failed to understand why, despite her efforts to give me the most of her attention and care, I still did not reply to her frequent voicemail and phone calls. I now understand that in any relationship, each partner must be understood and each partner should mutually attempt to achieve this equity (Halford, 2003). However, it is also important to understand that physical proximity to a partner is also vital since being in campus made strengthening and integration of our relationship quite easy. We had much free time, and our interactions went as far as attending the same events together.
Finally, the abrupt termination of our relationship happened. This, naturally, left me in a sulleen state. It was clear that our self-disclosure attitude had deteriorated to the extent that we could no longer comfortably share our intimacy. After criticizing me for my unfounded silence, which, as she thought, was the sign that I used my time in pursuit of another partner, she ended our relationship. For the three years we spent with each other, she did not give me the ability to salvage the relationship despite the fact that I still loved her. Accepting her criticism, even though it was not fair, would not change anything, and the intention would have been an inefficient one since it would have sought her mercy and forgiveness. Sticking to the truth only made things worse since, apparently, the attention my occupation demanded from me did not suffice for a sufficient explanation of my silence while I was back in Alaska. My ability to communicate effectively in the relation deteriorated to a level that she suspected malice where there was none.
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In summary, it is indeed clear that our relationship had escalated to a level of profound suspicions before our break-up. The lack of constant communication with Katie made it apparent to her that she was no longer significant in my life. Moreover, the excuse of being busy at work may not be handy since any relationship must seek the equity in a mutual way. Constant communication builds trust and gives a relationship the intimacy it deserves. There would have been no criticism if I had taken a minute or two to tell her that I was busy at work. However, after a three-year relationship, I personally think that Katie should have given it a chance and disclose what made her wish to end the relationship. For instance, we could choose to compromise since the time we spent together had been greatly reduced by the fact that I worked in Alaska, a very long distance from her.